Please 'Prosead' to the Service Center (Pic)

Snapped this one up at the Denver Airport recently.

Really? This is the best United can do?

Let's prosead, errr... proceed with some new signage folks.

Spirit Airlines Tasteless Oil Spill Humor?

Appearing on the spiritair.com website this morning are a series of ads inviting customers to visit select cities the airline serves - including Ft. Lauderdale.

Pretty tasteless considering oil has already made landfall in other parts of Florida.

Why I Hate Airplane Bathrooms :-)

Frequent travelers...to those dreaded airplane lavatories will enjoy this witty reflection piece written by Amanda McKinley which I originally ran in March. Inside she gives a play-by-play account of the forces driving her to use those repulsive airplane restrooms in the first place, then humorously describes what it's like "doing time" in those port-a-potties of the sky.

As many of you know, I’m no stranger to the plane. However, despite my affinity for travel and the number of hours I’ve logged standing in security lines, I almost never use the restrooms on planes. Why is this even notable, you ask? Well, I’ll tell you.

The art of “holding it” is rarely seen as just that—an art—and my husband’s pea-sized bladder and sweet heart can’t stand for me to stave off peeing any longer than necessary. “I know I’ve had a coffee, two waters, and an orange juice—but I think I can make it to Newark! Really!” This was my defense during our last flight. Then, citing my potential, and surely inevitable, kidney problems ruining his trip, I am successfully guilted into shifting my iPod, water bottle, granola bar, and pile-o-travel-junk onto his tray and beginning the walk of shame back to the lavatory.

You know, I’m not jealous of the first class passengers for their headrest T.V.’s or complimentary mimosas, but rather the Private Restroom that’s only a jaunt away from their large, cushy seats. As I step into the aisle, only a few feet away from the mesh curtain separating me from the people who have paid extra to excrete in peace, I am overwhelmed by a sense of self awareness. The aisle on a plane is like a cat-walk lined with groggy children and grumpy old men, whose sole form of entertainment for the next three hours is to watch passengers stammer stupidly down the aisle grabbing at seat backs and trying to keep their rumps out of people’s noses as the drink cart wheels past… I can feel their searing eyes judging me: “Do you think that girl really has to pee, or is she just showing off? Do you think she’s having stomach troubles? What IS she wearing?! I wanted to go to the bathroom next… The nerve of this girl—she probably really doesn’t have to pee anyway!” I can practically hear the annoyed murmurs fill the cabin as I waddle past, shoving my derriere extraordinaire in some kid’s face as he reaches to pick up the game he’s dropped in the aisle.

This is only part of the reason why I allow my bladder to fill to the point of combustion before I give in—the other is the restroom itself. “Restroom” is such an ill-devised term, because as anyone who has ever used the BR on a plane has learned, you will find absolutely no rest here, whatsoever. The small, closet-like space could make even the calmest individual claustrophobic, and sanitation seems to have been sucked out into the pale, chilly atmosphere with the last “whoosh” of the toilet’s blue water.

Inevitably, as it were on this particular trip, I manage to make it to the lavatory door just in time to intermingle with the creme de la creme of my flight’s crop—the individual wearing the theoretical “scarlet badge” of gastrointestinal issues. “Oh my! I guess that coffee really did a number on my tummy!” The white-haired woman airily states as she flips the lock to read “VACANT”. “Oh, yes?” I want to say to her. “Your rancid stench seems to have accompanied you out the door, but since you smiled and said ‘tummy’ it’s perfectly OK!” Instead I return her smile with a nod of faux understanding, lower my head and enter the freshly christened poo-pantry.

Inside it never gets any better! The juicy ghosts of asses past rear their ugly heads from the toilet seat, and my attempt at hovering is nearly thwarted as the plane lurches through what the pilot calls “a little turbulence” and my nose lands squarely on the back of the door. If there was room for me to whip around a vomit, I probably would, but as things stand with my pants around my ankles and my butt in the air, I decide to hold myself together and just go. Honestly, can anyone hold their balance well enough to make it entirely into le toilette? I’m doubting it, but whether or not I dribbled on the floor is completely irrelevant, because the necessity to flush is still looming ahead, and that’s all I can focus on. Oh, Lord, the flushing… the loud rush of my Business being swept into the atmosphere scares me every time! And what is that swift blast of cold air that fills the lavatory mid-flush? Absolutely, heart-stoppingly gross, that’s what it is! So, using the only ballet technique I ever mastered, I delicately tap my perfectly pointed foot onto the Flush button—bracing myself for the blast-o-nasty I’m about to endure. Afterwards, when I feel it’s safe to catch my breath, I try to calm my thumping heart and turn two degrees to the left to wash my hands.

Well, hand-washing is a losing battle, too, and I nearly laugh out loud when I see the sign above the sink that suggests, “you may want to use your towel to dry off the sink after washing.” OR, I may not, as the last train wreck who visited this particular sink had either showered or washed a small, hyper dog—it would take a minimum of 20 hand-washing and counter wiping sessions to clean up the pool of hair and water flooding the basin. In all honesty, washing your hands in an airplane bathroom has to be the most unsanitary oxymoron ever devised in the history of mankind. Paper towels? Out. Mini trash can? Full (and overflowing). Soap dispenser? Covered in slime, which I’m assuming is from the people who can’t get the suds washed off because you have to hold down those stubborn little hot/cold buttons to make any water flow. Sink? So small that if you lather, your hands just rub the sides of the sink and splash around in the water leftover from Grandma Stinky Pants. Then, to finish off the charade, you have to hold down the drain button to send your water whooshing off to the same place as your pee-pee. No one (NO ONE ) ever does that last step, hence the standing water sloshing around the basin. Can I blame them? No, it’s disgusting. And after having to dry off using facial tissues, the thought of spreading the white, leprous flakes caked to your hands all over the fixtures seems less than appealing.

At this point I’m so irked that my brain is barely functioning, so I try to pry open those weird doors and escape… Are you supposed to push? Pull? I always get it wrong and end up shaking and jerking them in a state of panic—I’m certain the commotion has people thinking a giant hamster has crawled out of the loo and is morphing into a people-eating monster of the skies. Alas, it’s just little ol’ me, and I don’t want to eat anyone, I just want out of the airplane bathroom—Forever!

Finally, as I push (or pull?) my way into freedom I see the long line that has accumulated down the aisle. Passengers act perturbed as they make a theatrical production out of letting me pass. They grunt, they squirm, they bend… they give me the same smiles of faux understanding I gave to Grandma Stinky Pants, but this time, I don’t care. I just slide back into my seat, and begin digging fervently for hand sanitizer. I shoot a bitter glance towards the first class curtain that barred me from peeing in peace, and turned to Andy with rage in my eyes as he said, “Now, don’t you feel better?”

Read more of Amanda McKinley's Weblog here.

Win 2 Tickets to See Pam Ann Live in San Francisco

World famous comedian Pam Ann launches her 2009 USA tour in October, including two performances right here in San Francisco. Nothing is off limits in her flamboyant performances known for poking fun at the many quirks in the airline industry. If you work in the airline industry or are a frequent traveler, this glamorous and fun show is just for you! Click here for ticket information.

San Francisco shows: October 17 & 18th

Win tickets to see her live. I have a pair of tickets up for grabs for one lucky reader. Ticket giveaway will happen later this week, so keep checking back for more details on how to win. And for real time updates visit www.twitter.com/inflightout

Flashback: Carol Burnett Show "No Frills Airline"

I've had tons of hits from this old Carol Burnett clip titled, "No Frills Airline," first posted last Summer. So, for some good ol' Friday funnies and flashbacks, thought I'd bring it back for ya.

Enjoy, and welcome aboard the No Frills Airline.

Reclining Your Airline Seat: How Do You Do It?

On occasion I've referenced particular threads of interest over on the Flyertalk forums. The Flyertalk community is full of spirited conversation about the latest trends, deals and gossip in the travel world, with side rants on almost any popular topic known to man. Last week, I found a lively discussion about the etiquette of reclining a seat in-flight. Although there have been other threads on this topic in the past, for now at least, this one has focused on self disclosure of reclination habits and observations of how others do it. If you fly enough, you know what we're talking about here. Here are a few excepts (some of the more comical ones) from the thread:

-From a passenger sitting behind Passenger 1A: "He brought his seat forward. Then whipped into recline mode......then forward to look out the window. Then.....slammed into recline...."

-"They have control of the seat....you have control of the air vent for your seat, which oddly enough if placed to its full fwd position and turned to max flow blows right on a fully reclined seat. They turn around and complain tell them if they put their seat up a couple of inches it shouldn't bother them."

-"I always have these nightmares about someone in front of me reclining quickly and snapping my laptop screen off."

-"If they are being aggressive or frequent with their seat reclines, I will ask them to be a little more considerate of my knees. Likewise, I have no problem saying something to the parent of the child behind me who insists on kicking the back of my seat."

Read the entire thread here.

End of the Week Laughs. TGIF

Here are a couple travel related videos we came across that bring out the funnier side in travel.

The first, and one we've shown before, is of commuters in Asia "gracefully" packing into overflowing trains. The other, part of a video series on travel etiquette, offers humorous solutions to common annoyances in air travel. Enjoy!

Continental Airlines 'Take Away' Commercial

This Continental Airlines ad, posted two years ago on YouTube, pokes fun at other airlines for taking away some of the basic amenities passengers are accustomed to - ones still offered at Continental.

Thanksgiving Tradition of Sitting Around At the Airport (Friday Fun)

Americans Enjoying Thanksgiving Tradition Of Sitting Around At Airport

American Airlines Now Charging Fees to Non-Customers (Friday Fun)

(All in fun, of course)

Straight from the headlines of The Onion comes word that American Airlines will begin charging fees to non-customers of the airline. According to the article, a $25 tax will be incurred for traveling with another airline, and $30 for any customer who decides to stay home, and not travel during the holidays. Read more...from the Onion. 

Flashback: Carol Burnett Show - 'No Frills Airline' (Friday Fun)

Originally posted this past summer, this video continues to be watched time and time again by inFLIGHTout'ers. For those new to the site, or others just wanting a good afternoon laugh - here it is again: A classic from the Carol Burnett show; a fun poke at the dreadful service passengers receive riding in economy class. Enjoy.

Security Checkpoint. Friday Fun

Videos: Airport Announcement and Safe Sex Airline (Friday Fun)

Here are a couple of fun travel-related videos that should bring some laughs to your Friday at the office. The first is a small prank against Virgin Atlantic, the second a commercial on safe sex, as directed by a flight attendent. TGIF. Enjoy!

Airport Announcement
(Appropriate for work)


Safe Sex Airline
(Slightly less appropriate for work)

"No Free Ride" parody brings out the fun in fees

(Thanks Bruce)
Fees are up, and services are down at airlines throughout the U.S. This parody from Parody & Son makes light of the troubling airline industry, and the impacts on passengers. Enjoy!

Flashback: Carol Burnett Show - 'No Frills Airline'

In response to the MAD TV clip of the "No Frills Airline," I posted last week, a reader forwarded this classic from the Carol Burnett show; a fun poke at the dreadful service passengers receive riding in economy class. Enjoy.

Tips and Tricks To Flying The 'Unfriendly" Skies

Was forwarded this video from Peter Zane, a columnist for the Raleigh News & Observer. He delights us with some humor in response to recent fee announcements from the airlines.

Friday Comic Relief

Back with the Friday Funny!

(click to enlarge)

Have a great weekend everyone

Thanks Andy for the Friday Funny
Airline Terms
Open- Jaw: What clients do when they find out what their full-coach fare will be

Passenger: Cargo that talks.

Airline Club: Paradise-like kingdom guarded by dragon-like creatures.

Fog: Weather condition generated by airports.

Airline Sales Rep: Underpaid demigod expected to perform superhuman tasks. Rare species

NO REC: The passenger went online and booked his own flight.·

Direct Flight: 1) Connecting flight in disguise. 2) What civilians think a nonstop flight is.

In-flight Snacks: Little treats sealed in a bag impervious to all but chainsaws.

Baggage Sorting Area: See ' Bermuda Triangle.'

Codeshare: Magic trick in which aircraft from several different airlines leave from the same gate at the very same moment

Gate Announcement: Vital information delivered over a sound system rejected by Taco Bell.

Remain Seated’ Announcement: Phrase that creates an instant urge to go to the lavatory.

Blankets and Pillows (archaic): Sleep-inducing objects said to have existed in primitive times

Minimum Connecting Time: Time it takes for an Olympic gold medal sprinter to run between two gates.

Hotel Shuttle: Vehicle subject to paranormal effect. While waiting, every hotel van will come by multiple times -- except yours.

Overhead Luggage: Rectangular object expected to magically shrink from the size of a refrigerator to the size of a loaf of bread.

On Time: Obscure term, meaning unknown.

Friday comic relief

have a great weekend everyone!